Monday, April 29, 2013




Yesterday evening I had a bout of insecurity come over me out of no where. I started thinking of times when I had uncomfortably spoken to or written to other people about Christ and how awkward I had felt, how I had wondered if it were the right thing, how they must have thought I was odd, etc. So I prayed about it this morning, asking for confidence, and in scripture found God spoke to me with clarity about the condition of my heart.

I'm doing Beth Moore's David study and she was talking about a divided heart and how our hearts should be undivided in our devotion to Christ, referencing David instructing Solomon to be devoted to building the temple. She asked a question, I can't remember the exact words, but basically it was something like "Why do people feel they need to do things for God ?" The answers I thought of first were out of duty, responsibility, etc and I realized how I had lost some of the joy I have experienced walking daily with the Lord. I truly can remember a time of serving the Lord with so much joy I literally looked forward to finding someone I could show Jesus to each day. It was exciting and adventurous. The outlook for my day, my job, my family, and those I came in contact with really was different because I truly viewed it as a mission field and I had fun with it.

It made me think about the motive behind those awkward situations above . One instance in particular I had felt God wanted me to speak to an acquaintance I ran into and I missed the opportunity, then wrote to her later, which I see now was truly not how God intended. I think my motive was good, but my approach was wrong. I thank the Lord that He knew my heart and forgives my unwillingness.

I believe part of the problem is I have looked at sharing the gospel largely as a duty and not a joy and I believe this is due to a divided heart. I feel that if my heart was fully focused on God and my desires were His desires, the words would come so much more freely and naturally. And, that's not to say everything will come easy and there will be no awkward conversations if my heart is closer to being undivided, but surely words flow more naturally from the lips of one whose heart is in open dialog with the Lord.

Scripture says out of the overflow of the heart a man speaks. I want to be bubbling over with so much joy in the Lord I can't help but spew it out sometimes! I do very much enjoy praying to God in the mornings and doing bible study, and serving, but recently I have lacked the joy that comes from spontaneous praise and service. I had it for a time, but I think somewhere between routine, busyness, legalism, and perhaps laziness, I have lost the excitement of looking for and serving a living, active, spontaneous, communicating, unpredictable God and I am ready to get it back! God gives us joy and wants us to have it. He allows us to share in His work for our own good and fulfillment. Lord, help us have undivided hearts, always aware and looking for You in every situation. Show us where you are working and let us join with joy and excitement. Thank you for giving us so much hope, opportunity and grace.

I hope the next time the question is asked about why I feel I need to do things for God, I will immediately question why anyone wouldn't want to do things for God!

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

Psalm 100:2 NKJV

Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before His presence with singing.

Deuteronomy 28:47 NKJV

"Because you did not serve the Lord your God with joy and gladness of heart, for the abundance of everything,
9 "And you, Solomon my son, get to know well your father's God; serve him with a whole heart and eager mind, for God examines every heart and sees through every motive. If you seek him, he'll make sure you find him, but if you abandon him, he'll leave you for good.
Psalm 86:11 NIV
Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.

Nehemiah 8:10 NIV

Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."